


Color of his eyes

by Imawhoreforkpop



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 14:58:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17347319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imawhoreforkpop/pseuds/Imawhoreforkpop
Summary: Winter can beautiful to some but to other it can be painful reminder what they used to have.





	Color of his eyes

**Author's Note:**

> My italics dont work on here but i hope that won't confuse you guys when reading. Feel free to leave feedback! 
> 
> I used these "~" to replace the italics hopefully that will help.

If I had told myself that my life as I used to know it would dramatically change at the snap of his fingers. I would have been in denial, I would have told you he loved me and wouldn't do anything to destroy what we had. But thats exactly what he did 6 months ago, the memory of that night still haunts me when I'm laying in bed at night, when I'm laughing with my friends, even when I'm doing simple tasks such as washing my dishes he was glued to my brain, a ghost I could never escape, always lingering around never once leaving me alone.

I asked myself why can't I move on, why do I still hold on to those words he said to me that cold winter night? I always seem to land on the exact same answer every time. I gave him everything, I gave him my heart, he wasn't my first love but it felt as if he was made just for me. He was perfect in every way; his soft black hair that I loved running my hand through on nights I couldn't sleep, his plump lips the I kissed good morning and goodnight, his hands that fit in mine like a puzzle piece. His arms that held me close on cold nights, his smile that lit up an the entire room in seconds and his beautiful brown eyes, they were warm like hot cocoa on a snowy day. Even though he was my everything, heart and soul, in the end he didn't feel the same.

I wish I would have had paid attention to the signs but I was blinded by love, blinded to the cold reality. Our relationship had lasted 3 years, we met at a coffee shop I was working on 18th Street. He made me feel alive, he made me feel wanted. We had only been talking for a few months before dating but everything felt right, it feel like we were destined to be together, I remember our first date as if it just happened yesterday. He had taken me to a movie he had been dying to see for the longest time, it was the first time I truly listened to his laugh and it made me feel blissful to see him bubbling with life. His large hand grabbing a hold of mine, a simple action, yet made my stomach filled with butterflies. He walked me home that night, were we shared our first kiss at my door, his lips gently touching mine causing my heart pounded hard against my chest. His cologne flooded into my nose reminding me of Christmas day, that snowy day was our beginning to love and heartbreak.

I told him that I loved him four months into the relationship, and he had told me he fell in love with me the first day he laid eyes on me. Our relationship was like a match, burnt brightly but died out right underneath my fingertips. Seemed that he loved me one day and the next he was walking out of my life. I always ended up dwelling on our memories always wondering what went wrong or where it had gone wrong.

~It was our first Christmas together, we were sat around a fake Christmas tree that was decked out in ornaments of all kinds, the smell of gingerbread and Pine danced around the air, as gifts passed around to one another, and bold colors popped out at every corner. His eyes showed kindness and love, lighting up at everything around him. An smile plastered his face as his arms surround me with warmth while he softly placed a kiss my forehead as we swayed to the music that flooded into our ears. Out of nowhere he picked me up and started swirling me around the living room, giggling at his sudden action, his long fingers push my hair out of my face so he could see me properly, I felt him softly grab my face bring it closer to his, resting his forehead against mine. “I love you, Y/N.” his voice softly called out to me. “I love you too.” I pull him towards me closing the gap between us, capturing his lips with mine. Remembering this moment it for what it was, remembering him.~ A tear roll down my cheek without me knowing, quickly wiping it away before any of my coworkers saw, I'd only worked here at the small Cafe called Moonlight for a few months, I had ran away from everything when he had left, I had moved cities, change jobs, and even got new friends.

In fear that everything would remind me of him, in fear that I would fall worse than hitting rock bottom. This Cafe became my own version of a safe haven, smell of brewed coffee, soft music that was the type that reminds you of rainy days, and regulars that come in with a smile on their face. I've had made good friends with one of those regulars an little old man named John. His struggles, his pain, his stories help me feel not so alone. Making me see that I can move on one day from the pain he caused me. The sound of a bell snapped me out of my thinking, dusting my hands off on the red apron while placing a smile on my face as I walk towards the counter where the customer was standing. “Hi, How may I help you ma’am?” I asked the tiny black-haired woman, the woman looks up at the chalk written menu, “Can I have 2 salted caramel lattes, one poppy seed muffin, and…” she looks at the baked goods, thinking of what else she wanted,”and an chocolate chip muffin.” her voice was high-pitched, try my best not to get annoyed at the doe eyed person, “ sure thing, $10.50 please.” I fake a smile holding my hand out for the money, “Really,$10 for this?” she scoffs before handing (more like tossing) me the money before storming off over to the table by the window. Rolling my eyes at the rude customer as I walk over to the machines to make her order, as a few minutes passed, I placed the order on the counter, “ order number five please come up” I holler out, “ my name is Polly.” she sneers at me, “sorry, ma'am.” I gave her a small smile before going towards other customers waiting for me to take their orders, after the hoard die down, my favorite customer popped up. 

“ hey John, what can I get you today!” I greet the tiny man, “ hello dear, a plain black coffee like always and one of those carrot cakes” he gummy smiles, “$4.50.” I tell him, “Here you go, Hun” he say as he hands me the money. “ so what have you been up to John?” I gently ask while making his coffee,” just been painting.” he continues on with what he started saying, you should stop on these days and I'll paint Peanut Butter for you.” smiling at the thought of my small Cuddle Bear of a dog sitting there getting his portrait painted, “ I'm sure Peanut Butter will love the attention, just let me know when is a good time to stop by.” I hand him his daily order, “can you sit with me dear?” he asks me, “Of course! My shift just ended just let me to clock out real quick, okay?” he nods, I head back to the break room grabbing my coat and purse before clocking out for the day, walking towards my friend, taking the seat across him. “So how's your dog, Sugar?” I look at him, “She's good, sleeps all the time but I still love that silly old dog!” he smiles as he talks about his companion. “Glad to hear that, we should set up a doggie play date..” His face lit up from my offer, “That's a wonderful idea!” He beams in happiness, “well thank you for talking with me dear, I need to go before it starts raining.” He pats his lap, “see you monday, John!” I yell out to him. “Have a good weekend!” he waves at me before going out the door. Still sitting were me and John had just chatted a moment ago, I look out the window to see the clouds rushing in over at the lively city, I used to hate the rain I felt like it hit the beauty of the sky. But now I take refuge under the dark clouds, the rain making my weary skin wet washing away the day. The rain shows me that even the sky needs to cry. I sigh getting up and pushing in the cedar wood chair, heading out towards the glass doors into the never ending city, Zombie-like I head towards the bus stop, waiting for my ride home to pick me up, The rain started to pour down upon us, watching people of all ages run towards shelter. I softly laugh because only 6 months ago I did the same thing now I just soak in the Earth's tears, letting it claim me.

After the 20 minute drive I arrive home to my small run down apartment, sluggishly walking through the entrance to my living room, I was greeted by a happy puppy, my world stops for a moment to greet my best friend. The small dog was a light tan covered in a fluffy coat, his ears were tiny but soft to the touch and his love was never ending. I had found Peanut Butter the day I had just moved here, he was scared not knowing where to go or who to go to. He reminds me a lot of myself, we're both trusted someone that had hurt us and tossed us out to the wolves. I scooped him up of the box he had been living in for god know how long. Since I saw him , I knew that this small puppy had saved me from the world that had hurt me. PB started barking at me, begging me to pay attention to him then what I was currently doing. Saturday had rushed in before I knew it, the sun screaming at me to wake up and start the day. PB patting at my face to get me moving, “I’m up, I'm up!” rolling onto the floor, to get ready for PB morning walk. “Do...you...wanna..go..for..a walkie!” I hype him up, snapping the leash into his blue collar. Heading out the door with my jumping happy-go-lucky dog by my side. Autumn had properly arrived, colorful leaves falling around us, wind making the naked tree dance to the rhythm. My dog's paws is hitting the leaf covered sidewalk, an sound that became my comfort zone what had replaced the beat of his heart. The brightly yellow sign for PB’s dog park reaching our view, PB feet going faster than his body. “woah, there bud!” I laugh at my puppy's eagerness to meet new friends. I open the chain linked gate letting him loose to run and play as he pleads. Going toward my normal spot, a wooden bench under a cherry blossom tree, pulling out a book to read to only getting half way through when a voice snapped my attention it remind me of him, my stomach drops, my walls feel as if they'll crumble down.

~The door slams open, making me jump up into a sitting position from the sofa that I had been laying on. “Hey, what's wrong?” I gently ask him, “I can't do this anymore.” He paces around our living room. “Do what?” my voice trembles in fear. “This.” he takes a deep breath as if he was going to snap at any given moment. “What do you mean by “This”’ I stand up, trying to stay calm. His eyes piercing through my soul, I tried to reach out for him but he moves away from me as if I were disgusting. “I don't love you, I haven't for a while”, I felt as if the whole world was crashing around me. “How could you do this to me!” i throw my hands up, “To us!” I angrily snap “It happened so fast that I couldn't stop it, but at the same time I didn't want to.” he defends himself. Tears flood into my eyes, “I've been seeing someone else.”, “How long?” I weep, “A few months.”, “I loved you” I sob, He pushes past me, “I think I’m in love with her Y/N.” He looks down not wanting to see my face as he leaves our apartment. I break down against the door not knowing what to do or who to go to. The love of my life just walked out of my life, my life soon became my worst nightmare. Knowing he'll be back to get his stuff, I decided not wanting to be home I packed up all my clothes and a few personal belongings, before I took off into the night, catching the first bus to take me out of this hellhole. Feeling my heart break even more as I say goodbye to the town that I built so many memories within and set off for a new start, without him.~ Feeling myself wanting to break down as I began to look for the owner of the voice. Failing to find where it had came from, I begin calling my dog over to me wanting nothing more than to leave.

“PB come here baby!” I yell out as my dog runs towards me happily. “let's go hun.” picking up my dog before taking off, trying to get away from the voice and wanting to hide from it. Collapsing onto my cheap bed as I shut my eyes while taking a deep breath. “You were doing so well.” I whisper to myself as the tears nearly spill out, “Why can't I just move on from Him, PB” I mourn to my dog, He whines as he curls up against me. “You're right” petting him, laying in bed for the rest of the night. Sunday went by as normal other than I had decided to walk PB somewhere new, to void breaking down again, and then taking him to get a hotdog to make him forgive me on bailing out on his park.

 

-2 months later-  
Clocking in for what felt like the hundredth day in the row, Snow laid all around the outskirt of the small shop. Christmas is right around the corner and the cafe saw new people as they visited their families. Setting out the fresh baked goods for the ongoing day as we waited for the people to stop by, I could already tell today was going to be a slow day. People coming in here and there, nothing too interesting. Jess, my coworker started telling me about the latest gossip,”So you know that girl named Polly who gave you attitude, well she came in with here with this guy who I'm assuming is her boyfriend. Was asking for you.”, “What For?” rolling my eyes, “She wanted to give you a piece of her mind for giving them “Shit” Coffee.” Jess informs me “ I only served her coffee three times and I know it wasn't “shit” coffee.” I started to feel annoyed. “Her boy-toy seems like he was wrapped around a leash.” She laughs, “Pussy-whipped forsure” I join laughing with her. Jess made the boring day more bearable, She made me laugh on days I thought I couldn't, She was like family away from family. She knew everything that happened between me and him, she was there for me when no one else was.

“Hey, You wanna come over to my house for Christmas?” I ask will scrubbing the round tables, “Hell yeah!” she pops up from behind the baked good case. “Christmas Traditions will start with me now.” She smiles, the bell rings loudly throughout the cafe, seeing Polly standing there, “ you're Y/N, right?”, “Why? Are you needing something?” I stand up straight looking down at her, “Yes, I’m here to tell you that your coffee is the worst I've ever had!” She yells at me, “Sorry Ma'am” I look at her before walking away, “Don't like my coffee then don't come in when I'm working, It's simple as that.” I say to her in a voice laced in annoyance. “whatever.” she storms off to a guy waiting outside for her, they linger outside for a few minutes, talking about something that clearly made her “Boyfriend” upset. “I bet you, they won't last more then 6 months.” Jess comments at the drama happening outside. “Christmas Joy, am I right.” as I watch her flip the sign to tell people we're closed for the night. “They're still arguing, Dude.” Jess tells me while dragging a yellow bucket from mopping the floor, “wow, what a lovely couple. Seems like they belong together.” I laugh at the thought of “true love” as I finishing up the cleaning for the night. I begin to head home after the long day, the snow rushing down around me and the winter wind harshly brushed against me, making my face flush with red. Wishing I had brought a thicker jacket to block out the bitter cold, last-minute deciding that I didn't want to ride the crowded bus, even though it was freezing cold out. Wanting to get a fresh breath of air to escape for a little and become one with nature for a short moment. Coming across a small park, a few blocks from my place, my heart telling me to go towards the playground, I head towards the swing set, the cold metal touching my skin and plastic sea covered in snow, the swing had pulled out all my emotions, I laid my head upon the chains supporting me. Looking up to the sky where the snowflakes said goodbye to their home, I felt their sorrow, I had experienced their sorrow. I knew one day I'll be okay, that day may not be today or tomorrow as I thought about the boy who broke my heart, he was everything I ever wanted but maybe we weren't truly destined to be together. My heart may never stop loving him, but I knew that I had to move on even if it hurt me more than anything to let go of this false sense of hope that he'll come back. Pushing myself off the swing, needing to head home to my waiting friend, the street lights showed the beauty of winter as a snow-covered the harshness behind it. 

Christmas wasn't as lonely, Jess filled the gap he had left, she made me think about the joy of being with the ones I love instead of the painful memories of the past. It was a few days after Christmas, people were heading back home to their lives before the holiday hit, business was back to normal, the air still filled with gingerbread men and eggnog, music upbeat for the next year to come. I was talking to Jess about what PB was doing last night with his new toy, when she-hell popped up once again asking for the same thing she always did, giving her a coffee before wanting to get off work to escape the aura she placed on the small cafe. I was halfway home when I thought of a good idea, grabbing PB I decided that we're going to take daily walk instead of doing our walks on the weekends for the new year. It was late into the night, Stars above watching us from above when I accidentally bumped into someone, “Sorry.” I'm mumble, “It's okay.” He gentle says. Freezing in my spot I feel my stomach hurl, slowly turning around praying it wasn't him. “It's nice to see you again, Wonho.” my voice wanting to give up on me as I look at him one last time.


End file.
